Monday, February 25, 2013
It was nice and toasty in my house. And the tear that just leaked from my eye turned ice cold as I pulled the door shut behind me. I couldn’t help it. I had an emotional wrestling match with my better half the night before, and it left me feeling fragile. This happens in marriage and relationships, right? How is it that I can be standing right next to my husband and yet feel so alone? I had to make a choice. I prayed and wondered how to proceed. Would I be able to verbalize my thoughts? Would I be able to lay down the anger I felt it my heart? I had to work backwards.
I’ve learned enough to know that the anger is the blanket that covers all the other feelings. Don’t we like to stay under the blanket? It’s kind of comfortable and it keeps us distant so we don’t have to deal with the truths that lead us there. So I had to start uncovering, and I found rejection at the root, which was enough to prompt the tears. The tail spin began.
When an airplane is in a tail spin, there are ways a pilot can regain control to get the plane to fly safely, avoiding disaster. It does, of course, take great skill. I don't understand aeronautics, but I read that one method basically requires the pilot to have a "hands off" approach, yet somehow fly in the opposite direction of the spin. Apparently, this can save the plane and puts it back in flight safely. That’s exactly what I needed to do. I needed to pull away from the situation, but more importantly, I needed to go in the opposite direction than where my heart was taking me. I don’t know that I have navigated the spin successfully, but I am letting go of the rudder, and desire to go in the direction the Lord wants me to go. I don't always understand my emotions fully, but God does and I know He will help me avoid disaster.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make
straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6