Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I Can't Remember

I’ve been lazy. I let my guard down, and found my confidence shaken. A few weeks ago, I participated in several business functions where I observed some interactions I was not a part of. Slowly, I started experiencing feelings that seemed to pull the rug right out from under me. I felt jealous, left out, angry and longing to be included. Where did those feelings come from? Wherever it was, I didn’t like it. The possibility that this could have been some sort of stealth, spiritual attack didn’t even cross my mind until later.

I often kid about how I forget things, but this time, it was all too real. I had forgotten the truth. The truth of what it means to be a woman who is loved by God. Unconditionally and relentlessly. Forgetting the truth made me lose my footing, causing me to walk off the solid ground He has given me. To look towards others to make me feel accepted and secure.

Thankfully, God is not lazy! He does not let his guard down. He is always ready to fight for me. Willing to rescue me from the grip of the one who is always ready to knock me down by feeding me lies. Lies that make my heart crumble and make me vulnerable to things that steal my joy and peace.

So how did God rescue me? He used the people in my life...people I trusted, to give me words of encouragement and truth. He surrounded me with his Spirit through his word and through the love of others. I just had to receive it. Something that is hard for someone like me to do.  So, I chose to receive.

A friend sent me this scripture: I pray God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

So today, I am asking the Holy Spirit to gently, yet firmly remind me that God is always present, fighting for me minute by minute. I need to be careful with the idea of "self"-confidence. Confidence is good as long as you know where it is coming from. I’ve seen how I fall short of making it happen. I know that my strength comes from Him, not from my “self” or from wanting others to feed my “self”.  Seeking that, just doesn’t work.

God continues to work on my heart and mind. Sometimes it’s one step forward, two steps back for me. Thankfully, He is faithful! He created me and I am his joy. Nothing will ever change that.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. Romans 8:38-39

You have given me your shield of victory. Your right hand supports me; your help has made me great. You have made a wide path for my feet to keep them from slipping. Psalm 18:35-36

1 comment:

  1. How true your word are. I too have many times gone to scripture looking for the reason I feel the way I do. I too have been offended or not included. It is human to react. We have been given the Grace and Mercy by the great I Am, and we still act this way. I find my strength Him,through prayer in Scripture,and from my sisters-in-Christ that have me in prayer and lift me up. Praise Him, He is Good All the time!I praise Him for you my dear friend.