Skip to main content

I Can't Remember

Image
By
I’ve been lazy. I let my guard down, and found my confidence shaken. A few weeks ago, I participated in several business functions where I observed some interactions I was not a part of. Slowly, I started experiencing feelings that seemed to pull the rug right out from under me. I felt jealous, left out, angry and longing to be included. Where did those feelings come from? Wherever it was, I didn’t like it. The possibility that this could have been some sort of stealth, spiritual attack didn’t even cross my mind until later.


I often kid about how I forget things, but this time, it was all too real. I had forgotten the truth. The truth of what it means to be a woman who is loved by God. Unconditionally and relentlessly. Forgetting the truth made me lose my footing, causing me to walk off the solid ground He has given me. To look towards others to make me feel accepted and secure.


Thankfully, God is not lazy! He does not let his guard down. He is always ready to fight for me. Willing to rescue me from the grip of the one who is always ready to knock me down by feeding me lies. Lies that make my heart crumble and make me vulnerable to things that steal my joy and peace.


So how did God rescue me? He used the people in my life...people I trusted, to give me words of encouragement and truth. He surrounded me with his Spirit through his word and through the love of others. I just had to receive it. Something that is hard for someone like me to do.  So, I chose to receive.


A friend sent me this scripture: I pray God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13


So today, I am asking the Holy Spirit to gently, yet firmly remind me that God is always present, fighting for me minute by minute. I need to be careful with the idea of "self"-confidence. Confidence is good as long as you know where it is coming from. I’ve seen how I fall short of making it happen. I know that my strength comes from Him, not from my “self” or from wanting others to feed my “self”.  Seeking that, just doesn’t work.


God continues to work on my heart and mind. Sometimes it’s one step forward, two steps back for me. Thankfully, He is faithful! He created me and I am his joy. Nothing will ever change that.


And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. Romans 8:38-39


You have given me your shield of victory. Your right hand supports me; your help has made me great. You have made a wide path for my feet to keep them from slipping. Psalm 18:35-36

Comments

  1. mamaluOctober 5, 2011 at 3:40 PM

    How true your word are. I too have many times gone to scripture looking for the reason I feel the way I do. I too have been offended or not included. It is human to react. We have been given the Grace and Mercy by the great I Am, and we still act this way. I find my strength Him,through prayer in Scripture,and from my sisters-in-Christ that have me in prayer and lift me up. Praise Him, He is Good All the time!I praise Him for you my dear friend.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Everybody Loves a Good Fight

By
I’ve gotten into two fights in my life.  I know, hard to believe.  But I can remember them clearly.  One was with Cathy, who lived two doors down from my grandmother’s house.  I was probably around 8 or 9 years old.  Cathy was mean and a thorn in my side.  She was also the only other kid on the block who I could play with.  I don’t know exactly how the fight started, but I can remember the final scene and how it all played out.  I towered over her as she lay on the grass, pinned in a helpless position.  She cried for mercy and I let her go.  She flew home and that was the last time she bullied me.  The other time was in sixth grade.  I was friends with Rosie; at least I thought I was.  She accused me of breaking her compass and told me that she was going to beat me up after school.  I was shaking in my boots the rest of the school day.  I wondered how I could avoid the ordeal.  I wished I had someone that co...
3 comments
Read more

Opposite Directions

By
It was nice and toasty in my house.   And the tear that just leaked from my eye turned ice cold as I pulled the door shut behind me.   I couldn’t help it.   I had an emotional wrestling match with my better half the night before, and it left me feeling fragile.   This happens in marriage and relationships, right?   How is it that I can be standing right next to my husband and yet feel so alone?   I had to make a choice.   I prayed and wondered how to proceed.   Would I be able to verbalize my thoughts?   Would I be able to lay down the anger I felt it my heart?   I had to work backwards.      I’ve learned enough to know that the anger is the blanket that covers all the other feelings.   Don’t we like to stay under the blanket?   It’s kind of comfortable and it keeps us distant so we don’t have to deal with the truths that lead us there.   So I had to start uncovering, and   I found rejection...
2 comments
Read more

Help, I'm a new mom again!

By
Have you ever re-visited something in your mind, over and over again, hoping to rehearse an upcoming conversation, or maybe correct one?  I find that happens to me as I sometimes put my foot in my mouth when I speak with one of my kids.  I find myself bumbling through a conversation and when I hang up I wonder, “Why did I say that?”  I blame it on the awkwardness of talking on a cell phone, the distance in miles that limits a heartfelt conversation, or just my inability to remember I was once their age.    Thankfully, my sister helped me put things in perspective.  I’m not their mother anymore…in a sense.  I’m not here to give advice, unless they ask.  I’m here to be a companion in their journey.  To hold on very loosely so they can experience their lives, just like I had to.  I don’t think my parents had much insight into what I was experiencing when I was 25 or 30.  They were living their lives.  And so am I, but I w...
2 comments
Read more