The practice of listening.

"It takes time and practice to learn to listen. And it takes a caring heart. A fourth-grade teacher once asked her class, "What is listening?" After a few moments of silence, one little girl raised her hand. "Listening," she said, "is wanting to hear."

Lord, make us a people who want to hear." Janet Dunn, Desiring God.

I love learning and I admit that I am somewhat of a self-help junkie. A friend once said to me, "You have to start reading something fun!" It didn't sound interesting, but she was right. This same friend is a great listener. When I sounded off about trouble in my heart about my relationship with my mom, she offered kind and loving advice. What was that advice? That I needed to seek the help of a counselor. Inside, I rolled my eyes. Really? Again? I've gone this route before, aren't I done? But I went forward with her advice. 

I connected with a counselor, a caring soul, a beautiful listener. With her by my side, a process began to help me understand aspects of the tangled mess I was wrestling with. Thankfully, she was always ready to catch the fast balls I threw at her. She asked questions that helped me unearth and define what was underneath much of the chatter in my heart and head.

Her understanding was the key to feeling safe and affirmed. The way she listened paved a path towards healing. The process was always the same. I spoke and she listened. No judging just listening and opening a way to grieve and understand things in my life that I was not aware of or paid attention to.

Throughout all this learning, came unlearning. Unlearning ways that did not and still don't serve me well. This sounds easy, but trust me, it's not. It takes practice and honestly, I'm not always the best at practicing. But with anything that requires forward movement, you have to practice. And so, I keep trying. I keep practicing. Often falling down, but picking myself up again and again.

What I have learned is that underneath all the talking there exists pain that fuels our thoughts and emotions. I learned this as my counselor demonstrated the art of listening in order to learn. She listened and I listened. All in order to learn about the hard, messy stuff that was under so many issues. In the space of being quiet and still, and breathing a silent prayer we have an opportunity to understand.

The quiet not only involves listening to others but gives me a place to slow down my racing thoughts and desire to respond. To understand perspectives that are different from my own. In the quiet, I operate out of grace and compassion to others and even myself.

I am reminded of a verse I quoted in a past post...

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger...James 1:19-20.

But James says more...

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere...James 3:17

Clearly these words are instructions that require practice. The counsel of a professional is a good thing. A great and valuable tool. The counsel of the Holy Spirit is constant, it is convicting, it is life changing.

I find myself slowly learning. Inviting the Holy Spirit to teach me, guide me, and transform me. This is the greatest practice.

The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know

the word that sustains the weary. He awakens me morning by morning,

wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. Isaiah 50:4